Reblogging Julia

1-21-08. Never Forget.

So it seems tumblr was down for a few hours tonight, preventing some of the more dedicated and prolific posters from updating their own online reality programs.  The foregoing is mere speculation on things some such people might have been doing during the Great Tumblr Outage of 2008, in order to manage the withdrawal jitters. 

• Took pictures and video, many pictures and videos, to show how the Great Outage was endured. 
• Googled self, checked google alerts for name mentions.
• Swore at tumblr.
• Cut pretty pictures out of magazines of idealized glamour and aspirations.
• Styled hair like Ivanka and practiced boardroom demeanor.
• Checked mirror, practiced pursed lips pose.
• Dropped names to self and dog.
• Mined junior high school journals and transcribed them for possible future posts.  Edited them to conclusively demonstrate precociousness and premature self-awareness.
• Weighed self to inform the internet of increasingly thin status on account of the post-breakup diet and gathered photographic evidence.
• Googled self, checked alerts, checked mirror, took photographs.
• Swore at tumblr. 
• Texted entire address book to assure everyone of still-living status.
• Practiced Britney Spears’ English accent, presumably for next television appearance to opine on Spears’ mental health.
• Wrote memorandum on leveraged buyouts.
• Made Valentine’s Day dinner reservations at a few places, especially Waverly Inn, as it makes you feel more important than other people to dine there.
• Googled self, checked alerts and mirrors, took photographs.
• Texted contacts list, updating them on ongoing well being, despite lack of tumblr posts.  I can haz Treo blog???!!!??
• Organized costumes in closet from virginal to degrees of slutty.
• Rearranged headband drawer,from lightest to darkest and solids to patterns.
• Took dog for “epic” three block walk.
• Stopped by B&N, actively avoiding self help section, but purchasing “He’s Just Not That Into You” for sole purpose of rebutting the author’s premise.
• Visited barbie.com for future outfit inspiration.
• Studied Paris Hilton photographs for guidance on one-dimensional, flattering poses.
• Googled self and pink wedding dresses, checked google alerts and mirror.
• Texted address book, updating on current activities.
• Cribbed notes from Perezhilton and TMZ for next television appearance.
• Sent emails to ex’s friends, inviting them out for drinks.
• Practiced excessive punctuation, including various patterns of ??? and !!! and the edgy ??!!??!?!?!?
• Dropped names to self and dog.
• Practice wide legged stance over mirror to see if cervix is, in fact, exposed.
• Attempted splits.
• Sent ostensibly innocuous but flirty emails to exes, whether married or single.
• Answered Facebook requests and left suggestive wall posts to the most connected of them.
• Searched Gawker archives to determine number of mentions versus those of the ex and composed email to former Gawker editor re: same.
• Invented phantom reader emails offering unconditional support for future posts. 
• Swore at tumblr.
• Sorted through old emails from ex, looking for further confidences to reveal and exploit.
• Emailed ex’s brother, offering to pay tuition for continued goodwill.
• Googled self, checked google alerts and mirror.
• Texted address book, informing them of upcoming posts when tumblr is restored.
• Took photographs of self. 
• Sent hate mail to David.