Reblogging Julia
A critical analysis of the public ramblings of the creature formerly known as Ms. Baugher, who provides a manic amount of content to parse.
Every little thing she does is tragic.
Talk to me (juliabaugher at gmail) Always held in strict confidence.
Parting May Be Such Sweet Sorrow
It isn’t every writer that can transition so seamlessly from an Oprah-endorsed columnist to Mister Rogers. Our Lady of Introspection is such a writer, and it is a beautiful day in the neighborhood indeed.
After a decidedly off day, our girl indulged in some beauty rest, just as she appeared to be close to a moment of truth, an epiphany of sorts: she is unfairly perceived as a slut. It remains a mystery as to who, exactly, has come to that conclusion, but a steady diet of cleavage and high heels is blamed for the misperception. The fact is, she doesn’t sleep around and doesn’t go on many dates. Setting aside how that latter fact might bear on her credibility as a dating expert and columnist, she credits her chastity to a strange quirk of self-discipline.
Well, clearly.
Morning found her customarily introspective, as she expressed gratitude for not blossoming into her beauty prematurely. She has witnessed the tragedy of a sexual awakening of a 14 year old, to disastrous consequences. [Ed. Note: how old is the disloyal virtual little sister and how long has our girl has known that little harlot?] She is still learning to wield her sexual power and notes, with irony, that by the time she masters it, she won’t have it anymore, since sexual confidence is inexorably linked to youth and physical beauty.
Helen Mirren would probably take issue with that approach, and her own mother may think she is shallow, but women shouldn’t feel shame in taking pride in their appearances. Another epiphany, and yet the day is so young! Carpe Diem! For lunch! Sauce on the side!!?!?!?!?!?!
Yet the noon hour brings with it an almost Britney-like reversal (accent unknown), as she agrees with her junior high/high school best friend [Ed. Note: intriguing that current friends are described in past superlatives] that she is a caricature of herself, a ludicrous exaggeration of her defects, if you will. This is curiously inconsistent with the considerable virtual ink she has spent insisting that her blog is completely honest, truthful, raw and real, and that she is wrongfully judged for disseminating her content. The joke is either on the readers, who believe her professed sincerity (she really does hope you have a lovely day), or we have some good, old fashioned spin.
Tough call.
Christ, this is long. We need bullets!
- Question: When a professional television gossip slash dating columnist goes on a televised date, does the meta universe implode? It would appear from those, um, shoes that they went bowling for their promotional adventure. [Ed. Note: What Would Mary Say About Those Shoes]. Related: I can see her Midwestern roots. Endearing.
- It is probably too soon to make the massage joke, yes? Especially since she is so well-rested. I don’t have Mary Kate’s new cell number anyway.
- My exes probably could do worse in terms of backhanded compliments. But at least he called her hot.
- Forget about your cancer, let’s talk about me. “What was your first impression of me? How about your second? And what did you think the third time? And how did that change the fourth time we were together? I’m sorry, are you in pain? So am I! Let me tell you about my past few months. Does your hospital room have wi-fi? I can read it to you.”
- “‘Evil wants us to feel so terrible about who we are and who we know, that we’ll look with condemning eyes on anybody who happens to be with us at the moment.’ I encourage you to look for the good where you are and embrace it.”. I, for one, cannot wait to hear her positive remarks on the people she gossips about on television. I think it will revolutionize dying gossip shows on cable television, I really do. That Mr. Rogers is deep, yo. My heart, too, is singing.
I had originally titled this post as a farewell, and this may well be my last. [Ed. Note: talk about burying your lede] It was always just an experiment, wondering what would happen if you realigned the mirror on a narcissist. Turns out, very little.
And another thing……..