Reblogging Julia

Parse out.

Holy mother of headbands, it was a manic couple of days in Baugher-land, as our Lady of Introspection had a Supersized Tuesday that spilled over into a Wednesday of epic proportions.    It isn’t every day that a dating columnist lands the cover of the weekly that carries her musings, particularly when it is the Valentine’s Day issue about dating!  Congratulations to Our Lady of Introspection on accomplishing such a feat.  While there is much to parse on that topic, a few housekeeping matters, bullet-style and ribbed for your pleasure.

• I realize that Super Tuesday was but a placeholder until the big reveal of the cover on Wednesday, but that can be no excuse for shirking your civic duty.  There were subtle reminders of the other matter of national importance, yes?  Yet although the readers were titillated with fascinating tales of makeup gone horribly, horribly wrong, glamorous orthodontist appointments, leisurely walks through the park, power workouts, and too many fashion shows to link, there was nary a mention nor any pictorial evidence of hitting the polls.  One might think that bedding an up and coming lawmaker might absolve you from further participation in the democratic process, but after careful review of the master documents, I am sorry to report that you still need to vote.  Sure, a girl can dream, but she can also vote.  Even if there are no cameras.
• This may be just splitting hair extensions here, but you know how you say you don’t drink?  Well, you do, too.  I learned that in AA.
• Also, when you say you aren’t wearing makeup but are wearing foundation and mascara?  You are wearing makeup.  Glad to be of service with all that.
• “As for myself, I want to get married because I want something stable that will help me achieve my goals in regards to my country and the world.”.  I think we may have a Love Connection there, JA.  Birds of a feather and all that.
• Finally, “Way to own your shit” kind of captures the essence of it, doesn’t it?    Love, indeed.  I think I love Britt most of all.

Onward.

Lots of lovely pictures of you, although I would love to know what TONY has against your arms.   I seem to recall you have a distaste for such depictions (“horrible taste,” if memory serves) and I hope you voiced your concerns with the hardworking Photoshop guy.

It was your thoughts on marketing yourself that were most thought-provoking.  I realize you are new to this field of study, having only recently been schooled on leveraged buyouts and proper CEO management, but I couldn’t help but wonder…..do you know your demographic?  Let’s do a simple review, with yet more bullets:

• Women:  I think we both know you aren’t after the ladies.  Sure, you can muster an “incestuolesbian pose”if the fameballs are aligned, but let’s face it.  You aren’t a girls’ girl.  You are the kind of girl who calls at 2am with a crisis, not the one who is called in a crisis.  Hell, you are usually the crisis anyway, n’est pas? No one is going to ever accuse you of taking a backseat to another girl, so I think we can dismiss women as your desired demographic.
• Straight men:  While it may seem intuitive to you that straight men would want to have their personal confidences revealed publicly, it might surprise you to learn that although they may share some of the better Penthouse moments with their friends, for the most part, they keep the best parts to themselves.  While it is certainly true that there is a species of straight men who assess themselves by the beauty of the women on their arms, these same men tend to have guarded personal and professional lives and a sense of decorum that might be offended by, in a totally hypothetical example, having their arm candy blog about their professional matters.  I think your marketing is lost on most of these types.
• Gay men:  I am not about to stereotype here, just making a few observations.  First, most of your fame came from Gawker, a site owned and controlled by Nick Denton, himself a gay man.   You might have noticed that your appeal is largely lost on Gawker readers, but Denton, he persists in covering you.  Your look is also readily imitable - obvious extensions, theater makeup, shiny, bright dresses, Disney infatuation, cute little lap dog - something that the more fashion flexible of the gay male species can emulate.   Oddly, while you seem to be a poster child for certain parts of this demographic, they really aren’t feeling the JA love.  You just might be the first gay icon who doesn’t inspire loyalty, just imitation.  So, I guess, kudos to that.

In short, and this is far from short, you might want to spend a little more time researching and considering your desired demographic and figuring out what appeals to them and tailoring your ‘personal marketing’ accordingly.  In the alternative, of course, you can continue to flood the market with endless pictures of yourself, looking nearly identical in every shot save for the outfit, and brand yourself along the lines of QVC - accessible, affordable, and available around the clock.