Reblogging Julia

Easy as 1-2-3.

I guess I have to parse the ABC.com article, but Christ, that is almost as tedious as parsing Our Lady of Introspection. Please forgive my detachment on all of this, as the promise for fresh baughering is fighting with my JA fatigue, plus all the gender and geographical reassignments of the past week. There are, however, some choice quotes in the story that merit a parsing.

Also, a note to the reporter: I didn’t realize the time sensitive nature of your story, as the whole thing seems positively stale. I apologize for not responding in a timely manner. I had archery classes.

ONWARD:

• “She has references about me that I didn’t know existed. She is a veritable storehouse of Julia Allison history and trivia.” Okay, the thing is, I don’t. I get tips from people who do (302 and counting, and I assure the readers, I publish about 2% of them), and in any event, I am not the friend who said ”Julia has an extraordinary ability to transform herself when she moves from one stage of life to another…. She literally forgets anything that is inconsistent with the person she is trying to become at that moment in time. It’s a little sad, I have to be the custodian of her memories.”

• “She’s [screwing] with my personal life, and she’s [screwing] with my professional life”, said Allison, who said that she’s “good natured about criticism” and can take more “than the average person.” Exactly how am I doing that? I aggregate and parse what you post on the internet. Are you really that pissy about the blind items, which are admittedly not verified, but exist all over the internet? Christ, you should see what I don’t post. The hundreds of tipsters that I don’t post. Actually, you should think hard about that. I have exercised remarkable restraint in the name of fairness.

• “This is scary.” I can’t be more clear on this topic. I have no desire to be in the same room with you, and would never take any affirmative steps to associate with you. None. I think everyone but you gets that, but you’ve been playing the ‘victim’ card so long, you’ve got an edge. You know what makes a winning hand. The ‘rape’ card, the ‘stalker’ card. Always a victim, never a bride. It’s hard making it to finals.

• If anyone can parse this for some semblance of meaning, I would love to hear it: The mystery blogger — who has never approached Allison in real life — has called Allison a liar, an insult the blogger takes most personally that has even led her parents to disown her, she told ABCNEWS.com.
• As far as I can recall, I never called her a liar, but only threatened to call bullshit if she continued to deny the authenticity of the MacAir emails, and I apologized for my ungentlemanly tone in that missive the next day. If I were the liar or had otherwise misrepresented that story, Our Lady of Introspection would be in the best position to set things right with her parents, what with the objectively honest emails that clarified the context and thoroughly disproved my angle.

• Seriously, did Mary write that quote? What the hell does that mean? How is a reblog responsible for disowning? Is ‘disowning’ code for “mom hasn’t responded to my last few twitters?”

• Right now? I am really scared.