Reblogging Julia

First course.

You know how most restaurant critics don’t review a new place in the first few months, preferring instead to give the joint some time to work out the kinks?  Yeah, I am not Frank Bruni, and although Our Lady of Introspection does share a victim complex and a bloated sense of self-importance with Jeffrey Chodorow, she doesn’t have his talent or skill.  What she does have?  Is a manic amount of content to parse.  Onward!  With bullets!

• Nonevent.   It takes a specialbrand of visionary to launch a website in the deadest traffic time of the year with stale, unfunny reruns that are positively archaic by web measurements.  Our Banality Trio are such visionaries and even had the original idea to aggregate their musings to better enable the homewrecking stalkers.
• Let us revisit the cast of characters, shall we? I have taken the liberty of editing their woefully inadequate bios to further open the “window” into the “crazy lives” of the three women who will go to the opening of an email.
• Meghan:  aka the Handmaiden of Wretched Rebounds.  The tech heiress bounced from a failed romantic relationship to possibly the worst substitute imaginable, despite the pleadings of her friends and family.  As the only one of the Banality Trio who has actually held a professional job, and is also the only one who is prospectively employable,  I suspect Meghan hopes she can parlay this embarrassing lapse in judgment into a career of bright, toothy soundbytes on late night cable television, playing tech geek to the insomniacs who still believe that a girl who wears a geek shirt likes geeks.
• Mary: aka the Handmaiden of Passive Aggression.  She is all too familiar with playing second fiddle and you get the sense that she isn’t going to take it much longer.  As the much older (and taller and thinner) stepsister to an inexplicably teflon Lolita named Leven, Mary has only a failed reality show and dreadfully tacky handbags to show for her certain superiority.   Unemployable for lack of work ethic, skill set, and an abiding desire to become a suitable first trophy wife, Mary has hitched her man-hunting wagon to Our Lady’s HUMMER of unfounded self promotion.   While her past ‘success’ with the wrist fannypack might be enough to land a caddy from River Oaks, Mary is striving to become the woman for whom the golf pro leaves his wife.  Aim high, Mac.
• Say, how is Leven?  Give her my best, will you?
• Julia: aka Our Lady of Introspection.  The indefatigable ringleader of the Banality Trio.  Believes that sitting for hair and makeup is hard work, that said hair and makeup should in no event be removed, and that she should be paid for being her.  A former talking head for a supermarket tabloid that claims she ‘never had an interest in talking about celebrities’, and a current dating columnist who is afraid of sex,it only makes sense that she finally throw caution to the wind and talk a little about herself.  Utterly unemployable (google gives you (1) getting fingerbanged at Balthazar; (2) revealing confidences; and (3) plagiarism), JA is positioning herself to play her favorite role - the (attention) whore with a heart of gold.  A real-life Barbie doll, complete with a pink tutu, tits and hermetically sealed genitals.

Christ, and there is the whole Wired article to parse, and a tipster who has given full permission to share the information with the class.

Also:  brilliant. You ever get the sense Our Lady can’t sleep at night?  It is almost like she exists solely on the internet.