Reblogging Julia

Anatomy of an internet breakdown. Please email.

Our Lady of Introspection is on a spiral of insanity usually reserved for Courtney Love on a long weekend bender.  If you live your life on the internet while steadfastly maintaining that you have another life somewhere else, eventually, you are bound to go a little nuts when truth and reality collide.  Also, if you have to repeatedly assure people you really are nice and likeable, you are just a poor man’s version of GWB in a pink flight jumpsuit, proclaiming that the mission was accomplished. 

Anyway, onward, to all JA ribbed and bulleted goodness:

• She went a little nuts about mean internet people.  At first she got drunk and told the internet she just wanted to be loved and begged to meet her critics.  Then she sobered up and told the haters the fuck off because her business is just for fun and that the audience was taking internet life too seriously.
• She then assailed Mary because Mary suggested that three of the seven Great Lakes were polluted.  I’m sure those great Chicago beaches are optimally deserted for doing Disney lipdubs and all, but no one goes to Chicago for the beaches on spring break (in March).
• And while we are at it, TMI, “Spring Break?”  Look, I get these are lean times, and your current flagshit advertiser is Axe, but ladies?  None of you are in school anymore. Live differently, like you are a late 20’s woman, living in virtual Gossip Girl high school that no one watches, faking a life that you devoutly watched on a marginally better cable television program.
• Oh, I haz a fat (I weigh 120 pounds, dripping wet).  Please email me and tell me I am not fat, lest I spend my sleepless nights fabricating fan mail. 
• Oh, I hazzed a date.  My fanboy reader didn’t mind me telling you the details of the whole evening, so if you have fifteen minutes and want to read the 2000 word description of what happens when a self-proclaimed fameball/egoblogger/dating expert tries to accomplish the rather elementary social activity of having dinner with a potential love interest blog material, please read my name-dropping account.  Please email me to confirm that I can do better.
• Also, my ex has cancer.  Have I ever mentioned that?  Please email me for support in my trying times. 
• Please email whenever.  I am busy with Bradshaw fan fic and have a full inbox, but I will get back to you in 60 seconds, just like that Angelina movie.  I never sleep, just like Jordan in Real Genuis, only 98% less adorable.