Reblogging Julia

Losing my religion.

I am, once again, losing my will to parse. 

You’ve heard it all before, and at this point, Our Lady of Introspection has sunk far below the caricature water mark and is now an openly mocked joke - like bringing a braying donkey to a pig party.   One Handmaiden is still circling the cereal bowl, and the other jumped ship and is riding the wave of “thank God you aren’t Julia” to her dreams of a sponsor-laden tumblr.

I hesitate to say never again, but I can only jump a beached shark so many times before my leather jacket is shot to shit.  They aren’t even interesting enough to parse, not that they ever were.  However, I pride myself on giving notice, and even if I can’t give you my precise date of resignation, I will soldier on, for your convenience, as always ribbed and bulleted for your pleasure.

Our Lady of Introspection

• Stop me if you have heard this before.  Julia senses that Mary might co opt the Gawker media cycle (on account of Mary’s imminent but not officially announced departure), she emails the NYP (as does the ‘agent’ - who surely isn’t earning his 10%) to plant an item about her hooking up with the newly acquired QB.  The giveaway was the “she was just drinking water.”   Jules, you do need a PR person, as you lack basic common sense on the simple art of planting an item.  Also the ‘fact-checking’ of the NYP, wondering if I recognized the email address of the tipster.  Uh, yes. 
• An Easter ensemble fit for Halloween.  In my universe, your mother didn’t say a word about the get up, just to outclass you in church and silently signal to the congregation and the internet that they, too, have personal challenges .
• Oh, there was a Cancer Dan post, a reprinted email.  Knowing from personal experience that he abhors public attention where she is concerned, that is as classy as the Easter outfit.
• She tagged along to a “social networking” conference, which is hysterical, as she tried to shut down rebloggers and commenters on her own blog (which she calls a business).  The only communities she inspires are those that skewer her, and she can’t draw more than a couple of dozen comments on Gawker anymore.  NS fans number about 50 on FB.  She only ‘favorites’ her own twitter posts.  Her site should be “nonsocial”, but then again, the monniker was kind of close.

Handmaiden of Tragic Rebounds - Meghan

• Nothing.  No really, nothing.  She’s pretty, can’t spell or write, doesn’t have anything to say, and hitched her wagon to the wrong donkey.  Rumors of her spine and intellect were vastly overstated.  She just doesn’t have anything better to do, and now, she is the unequivocal ‘hot one.”  Hooray.

Handmaiden of Passive Aggression - Mary

• Mary’s new venture was announced, and as set forth above, JA tried her damndest to spin the news cycle for the few hundred people who cared.
• Mary struck back, with her own Gawker media grab, again, misunderstanding that she was preaching to about two dozen people who might read her blog.  I will always love her passive aggressive digs, as she was featured on Gawker for absolutely nothing a few days earlier and she proudly linked it.  Which had to piss JA off, as JA can’t get any Gawker love these days.
• Unfortunately, one can only ride the “fuck yeah, you aren’t Julia, tell us some JA dirt” for so long.  To her credit, she seems to be doing something a little different in the blog department, even if she thinks that she is the first person on the internet to accept shwag for shill.  And by different, I mean different than JA, not different by a ton of bloggers with much more talent and a much larger, if not as high profile, readership. 
• Mary is after airline and car sponsorships, not because she has built a genuine relationship with her readers, but because she is moving to LA and she needs transport there and a car when she gets settled.  And yet, I sort of dig that about her.  Go big (I am predicting a green car) or go home.
• In all sincerity, whether I parse again, I am leaving Mary off the radar for the foreseeable future, unless she does something really goddamn stupid (crosses finges).  She emerged as the most self-aware of the three, despite a high handicap of ignorance and self-importance, and I give credit where it is due.  Also, I am going to have drinks with her soon.